Life is hard. But sometimes it just seems cruel. Some close friends of ours suffered a tragedy yesterday that no parent should ever go through.
Clint Larson was one of Brian's best friends in high school. We went on double dates with Clint and his girlfriend, Heather, and they married only a couple of months after we did. Their oldest son, Kade, was born between Nathan and Matthew and through the years we've gotten together off and on to catch up. Now that we live just down the road from each other, we've started up the double dates, laughing over the same old jokes and sharing the same old camaraderie. Our boys have sleepovers together. And Brian and Clint--who is an amazingly talented cabinetmaker--are refurbishing an old house together, hoping to flip it for a little extra money.
After Kade was born, Clint and Heather had difficulties conceiving another child. They tried every fertility treatment and procedure in modern medical science. But after months and years with no results, they turned to adoption agencies for that missing baby they wanted so desperately. I was one of several who wrote letters of recommendation to birth mothers looking for prospective parents. Heather lived and dreamed and breathed babies--I have never seen anyone so single-minded.
Finally, they were chosen through a local adoption agency by a woman in Minnesota who was raising only one of her several children--all the rest were in foster homes or adopted out. Clint and Heather were so excited to bring this little baby into their family. They did everything for the birth mother, brought her to Utah to have the child, and they were there when he was born (well, Heather was stuck at a car accident...but that's a different story). Even though the birth mother had told them she was clean, the baby was born with drugs in his system and they went through several days of anguish as they nursed the suffering infant back to health.
Clint and Heather brought him home to join their family, to be a little brother to their son Kade, and to love him. Talon grew to be a happy, healthy baby with no lasting complications from his addict mother. There was no baby more loved and cherished and wanted.
But they were fighting to keep him. I'm not sure of all the details, but essentially the child is part Native American--not even one quarter, though--and the tribe has a right to him over the mother's right to give him up for adoption. The adoption agency never cleared the adoption with the tribe and even though they deemed the mother and father unfit parents, they claimed the baby for their own.
Emotions aside, the case brings up puzzling social questions that beg to be discussed and answered. What is in the best interest of the child? To grow up among his people and culture...or in suburban Utah? To live with his biological brothers and sisters (albeit in a foster home)...or in a family, with a mom and a dad and a whole lot of love?
Last week, a Utah judge finally gave custody to the tribe and Clint and Heather had to hand over their 6-month-old baby last night. Little Talon goes from a stable, loving home to join his siblings in tribal foster care. Luckily, he is young enough that after only a few weeks--hopefully, mercifully only a few hard days--he will not remember the family who had to let him go. But Clint and Heather and Kade will have a hole in their hearts forever.
The Larsons are lucky to have an amazing network of extended family who live close by, mostly in the same neighborhood. They were all there last night, and other friends and neighbors, to support Clint and Heather as they held and kissed Talon one last time, strapped him in his car seat, and buckled him into the minivan driven by a tribal representative and escorted by several police cars. As Clint carried the car seat down the front walk, Heather sobbed, "I can't do this", and everyone else cried, too.
So today we hold our kids a little closer, hug them a little tighter, and love them a little harder and think of our dear friends who weep for their baby whom they may never see again.
To Clint, Heather, and Kade: God be with you. May you find a measure of peace, somehow. We love you.
For local news coverage click here and here and here and here.
Also, they will be on "Good Morning America" tomorrow.
15 comments:
Tim and I are so saddened by this. We can't believe that sweet little baby we got to hold and rock has to be taken away. We had a family prayer last night and this morning for him and will continue to pray for little Talon and his wonderful family. Keep us posted. Love the Dailey's
That is awful!! I can't even imagine how they are feeling right now. I pray the Lord will bless and comfort them at this time of great sadness and heartache.
This just made me cry and cry. Hope everyone is doing ok. Is there a chance they can fight to get him back??? I hope so.
I am so sorry. That is just wrong.
We saw that on the News and felt so bad. WE will keep them in our prayers. It's too bad this had to happen. Life just isn't fair sometimes.
It has been a rough weekend all around. A friend of ours that my husband worked with just had one of his twin boys killed in an auto accident yesterday. The boy was 16.
Talk about hugging your kids---I called each one of mine to say that I love them....
Heart breaking...we saw this on the news. Do they live in Daybreak?
This story is so sad. Chad and I are also on an adoption list trying to find the next member of our family. To hear a story like this is just heartbreaking! My heart goes out to this family.
I saw this story on the news as well. It's gut wrenching. Even more so to know they are connected to your family in such a way. My hope is that a loophole will be found in the law so their sweet family can be reunited. I'm glad they have good support like you to help them thru this tough time.
Elly,
That is so sad, my Mom told me about it and said I could read it on your blog. I am so sorry for their loss. They will be in our thoughts and prayers, and hopeful they may find peace as they go through all of this.
So sad. Keep us posted on any related good news.
I cried one more time over this. I saw it on the news and can't even begin to image having to give up a child. I am so sorry for them. My prayers will be with them.
I don't understand how this is in the best interest of the child. A foster home as opposed to two loving parents? Let us know if they are in need of anything this season or this coming year. We would be more than willing to help in anyway possible.
Elly,
The same thing happened to me and our little Robbie. We got him when he was 6 wks old and he was born addicted to a lot of drugs. We had him until he was about 6 months old. Mother and father rights terminated, other siblings placed in homes to be adopted. birth mom was native american. She went back to the tribe in South dakota and fought to get him back. The state of Utah told us that it would be impossible to fight to keep him, even if he was only 1/8 native american. Some new adoptive parents were found in South dakota where one of them was native american and they could adopt with no problem. I couldnt take him to the tribal person picking him up as it broke my heart too much. Keith took him there and he will always remember the look Robbie gave him. He was with his next set of parents for a few months when the tribe decided to take him from them as well. I had to write letters for the new family telling the history of the baby here and mothers history. They still lost custody after a 6 mo battle and the tribe gave him and the other siblings back to the birth mother. I too questioned why this is allowed to happen. A court in the united states deemed the parents unfit but the tribe in the united states can trump that. There is no fighting the tribe. Even alot of foster parents won't take children that are native american because they know they can never adopt. There was a family in my group of adoptive parents that had a daughter who was part native american. They had her since she was a baby, but the tribe only allowed them to be legal guardian's. They could never actually adopt her. When that same daughter had a baby when she was a teenager, she wanted to give it up. There was the same issue though. The tribe would only allow for legal guardianship or nothing at all. Should this be stopped and not allowed to happen? Of course it should, but the government will never put a stop to it.
I have tears streaming down my cheeks and cannot image what they went through and are still going through. My prayers are with them. I know the love they gave him for that 6 months will always stay with him.
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