Zookeepers

The girls captured a large black beetle in a plastic cup. After adding a few drops of water, some leaves, and zero ants because they stepped on the only one they found, they took a moment to observe their new pet...

Becca: {gasp} Maggie, he stopped moving!

Maggie: That's ok. He's probably just sleeping or thinking...............how to get out.

Great Summer Quotes

Becca, to Maggie in a mean and nasty voice: "You're so stupendous!"

Becca, after I suggest she wash her hands with magic soap: "That's not magic soap, that's hand san-i-tizer!"


Becca, at the Bees game on the Fourth of July: "I'm so incredibly hungry." She wanted popcorn.

Becca, about an hour into the Bees game: "Mommy, this is not basketball! When are we going to basketball?"

Matthew, explaining what he thought about the girl who wore a bikini to a backyard birthday party: "And I was like, alright!"

Matthew, to a pair of fighting monkeys at the zoo, "Break it up ladies, you're both beautiful."

Matthew, also at the zoo: "Mom did you see that AldaBRA tortoise? AldaBRAAAA???"

Maggie, after a day selling lemonade: "We made, like, $100 so far." They made about $25 after seven hours and sunburns and hiring 12 employees.

Happy summer!

Imagination Failure

"Maggie, you can't shoot [nerf guns] at Becca. You can only shoot at pretend people."

"I know. But we don't have any pretend people."

WIFYR

Up at 6:oo am. Out the door by 7:30. Hope the boys get to school. Drop off the girls. Write and read and talk and listen. Home by 5:30. Pick up the kids. Dinner, dishes, homework, bedtime. Write until midnight. Do it again tomorrow.

I've been attending the Writing and Illustrating for Young Writers Conference and, in spite of the exhaustion setting in, LOVING it. I never realized there were so many people interested in obscure things like illustration notes and split infinitives as I was.

I feel like a dolphin who lived her whole life in a puddle and suddenly found the ocean. A wonderful nerdy ocean.

U2

We had 5th row tickets to the Salt Lake U2 concert last week. And then I got strep. Brian took a friend, but I think he was pretty sad I couldn't go. We'd been looking forward to that concert for a very long time.

So, Tuesday night, I flew out to meet him in Oakland, California and we went to another U2 concert. But this time we had tickets in the Red Zone right next to an arm of the stage. It was like being first in line for general admission without the camping out all night and cramming together. And the sub woofers pounded through your lungs. It was amazing.

Brian took this video on his cell phone. No zoom, this was literally how close we were:

Two hours of sleep and a very early flight home (had to take Becca to dance), still a fabulous trip and a wonderful memory.

Strep

Chills.

Fever-chills that rebound around and around like stupid ripples in a puddle whenever I move.

My throat is so painful, I think I can breathe fire.

Even with four ibuprofen tablets coursing through my veins, my skin is hot, hot, hot to the touch.

I would like to die now, please.

Well, not really, but it does sound less miserable.

Penicillin, you had BETTER kick in tomorrow like the doctor promised!

Talents

Coming across Matthew's church sweater on the floor for the umpteenth week in a row, "Matthew, why can't you get your clothes in the dirty laundry?"

"I don't know, Mom. People are talented at stuff and that's something I'm just not talented at."

Hoo-boy.

An Easter (Candy) Story

The children at my house don't like jelly beans.

So the Easter Bunny thought she would be very clever this year and fill her eggs with sour jelly beans. They all LOVE Sour Patch kids, so they will love sour jelly beans, right?

Wrong.

Very wrong.

Not a single child in this family will eat sour jelly beans. In fact, one of them cried a little because he felt it was the worst Easter ever with such terrible candy. (He managed to pull through though, in case you were wondering.)

A month later, the Easter Bunny is still the only one eating all of those stupid sour jelly beans. I'm sure her dentist will love the results.

10 Things We Learned on Our Trip to Southern Utah

1. We will never go tent camping again. Thank you Cruise America!

2. Minersville Lake Park is not a campground to miss. Let me give you a hint: best. showers. EVER.

3. Next time, I will confiscate all electronics immediately upon arrival and EVERY box of snacks that Costco sells is too much food.

4. If you give your 10-year-old the camera, you will end up with a lot of pictures of squirrels...and squirrel butts.

5. Zion National Park is an amazing, beautiful place.

6. I get dizzy and light-headed on long hikes unless I focus solely on the ground in front of me. Anyone know why??

7. Boys bend the "stay on the trail" rule whenever possible...

8. Brian is a MAN for conquering Angel's Landing (800 foot drop on one side of a narrow ridge, 1,200 feet down the other).

9. Small girls only last two days of hiking. If you try for three you will end up with a lot of complaining and exaggerated foot-dragging and finally...carrying.

10. The best campground east of Zion National Park is at the Coral Pink Sand Dunes State Park. Trust me, I did my research. Unless you LIKE bumper to bumper trailer parks...and Ho-made Pies...

And finally...

Grandmas and Grandpas are GREAT to have around on family trips!

A Rough Day

Imagine a slightly panicked, wailing voice: "Mom...! My thumb is getting smaller and smaller...!"

Becca, that's your pinkie.

Sorry if you're sick of Becca stories...

Last night, Becca told me, "Mom, I wish we had animals at our house."

"Really?" I asked. "What kind of animals?" I was thinking pet hamsters or something (I always forget she doesn't like hamsters.)

"Um...I wish we had lots and lots of crocodiles."

"What!? Wouldn't that be scary to have lots of crocodiles in our house?"

"No, cause then we could fight them."

And she went on to discuss how she also wanted a tiniest, baby-est lion (that could fight with the crocodiles when it grew up) and a bird that would come and sit on her finger.

I was still imagining a house full of crocodiles and shuddering slightly...

Leak Update

After visits from an insurance adjuster and roofer, a restoration company finally figured out the source of the leak: burst hose bib.

The good news: it's covered by insurance (as opposed to rainwater, which is not).

The bad news: water everywhere! And now we get to rip into sheet rock and plumbing and poor Nathan's not going to have his room back for awhile, yet.

The weird news: it has absolutely nothing to do with the water-damaged siding directly above it on the second floor.

Where do YOU keep YOUR music?

Yesterday, Maggie was telling me how she had a song from Little Einsteins stuck in her head.

Becca pipes up and says, "I don't have it stuck in my head!"

Oh, you don't? That's good.

"No," she says, "I have it stuck in my arm. It helps me sing the song." And she proceeds to wave her arm around and sing, "Sail this way, Rocket viking ship..."

But that's not the end of the story.

Later that night, Maggie pulled up one of their favorite songs on the computer about 10 little monkeys. And Becca goes, "I know that song! It's stuck in my other arm!"

Tricky Indeed

Tonight, Becca pulled up her computer game by clicking on the Internet Explorer address bar and selecting the exactly right web address from a long list.

Floored, I asked her how she knew that.

"A cause I'm tricky..."

Nathan wasn't so happy because by doing that she completely obliterated the progress he'd been making on his own computer game. Tricky little sisters can be frustrating sometimes.

House Drama

Wet carpet in the basement + paint peeling off the second story siding = three floors of water damage?

Stay tuned for breaking updates...

What More Could a Girl Want?

A few days ago, Brian asked me if I needed anything from the grocery store.

Yes, I joked, I need flowers and bonbons! And then I laughed and made up a real grocery list.

Guess what he brought home from the store? Everything on my grocery list, and...a bouquet of flowers with a bag of chocolates.

Yum.

Maggie's Matrimonial Plans

Maggie: "[A boy in her class] wants to marry me." Coy grin.

Me: "Oh, and do you want to marry him?"

Maggie: "No! He's crazy!"

Me: "Who do you want to marry?"

Maggie: "I don't know! I have a lot of time to think about that. Like one thousand hundred million weeks to think about it."

Yep, something like that!

True Wisdom

Me: "That's why we don't talk to strangers, because we don't know if they're good guys or bad guys."

Becca: "Or medium guys."

In which we come to understand why I tend to be somewhat cranky in the mornings...

In the middle of the night last night, a thud startled me awake shortly followed by Becca's earsplitting wail. Since she shares the top bunk with Maggie, I leaped to their room thinking Becca must have fallen out and was sprawled in pain on the floor.

Nope.

I found a panicked, wailing lump on the bed. Somehow, Becca had become trapped under the comforter tucked tightly at the bottom of the bed and hit her head on the metal railing trying to find her way out. Half asleep and confused and screaming, she was scrabbling at her blanket prison.

I promptly rescued her, but she had a hard time settling down after that. In fact, I'm not sure I recall sleeping much from that point on until she started yelling for breakfast this morning. Since she was two feet away on the next pillow, ignoring her didn't work very well.

Top 10 Highlights from My Trip to New York

1. Waiting for my luggage at LaGuardia Airport for 5 hours. (Ok, that wasn't really a highlight but it's worth mentioning.)

2. Navigating the subway by myself, having never been on the New York subway before. (Not exactly a highlight either, but I finally got there!)

3. Seeing Jacob's office, meeting his bosses, and scoring some Kate Spade merchandise!

4. A delicious lunch with our cousin Hailey, she's so fun. (And brave to live in Manhattan with four kids. Wow!)

5. Claude Monet's Water Lilies at the MOMA.

6. Avenue Q. HIL-arious and darling and done well.

7. Jacob risking his life on a banister so we could kill the freaking fire alarm that kept screaming about its dying battery at 1:00 AM.

8. Sleeping-in on the air mattress in Jacob's beautiful sun-lit apartment.

9. Brunch with my dear high-school friend Laura Ault. It was SO wonderful to catch up--happy, happy times!

10. Le Comte Ory at the Met...Best. Experience. Of. My. Life...Words cannot describe how amazing that was.

March Clean-up

Considering it's 2011, maybe I should take down my November 2009 calendar...

It's a dry-erase calendar--that's even worse.

It's the Simple Things

"Thanks for dinner, mom. That was DEEE-LICIOUS!"

"Wow, Mom, this was the best dinner ever. It was like a feast. Thanks so much for making it for us!"

What fabulous dinner was this that inspired such enthusiastic, and polite, responses?

Bean and cheese quesadillas - warmed up in a frying pan. With sides of baby carrots from a bag and cantaloupe with the rind still attached.

Pretty much, the easiest food ever.

I think we'll be having quesadillas more often!

Educating My Children in School Spirit

Thanks to a thoughtful Christmas gift from my sister Sariah, I took the kids to the BYU/Utah basketball game yesterday.

Becca, who would have been miserable, stayed home with Brian, who also would have been miserable (since he defected to the dark side and cheers for the University of Utah, now.)

But the rest of us had a fabulous time.

Maggie's favorite part was the dancers.

Nathan's favorite part was the hot dogs.

And Matthew's favorite part was when BYU kicked Utah's TRASH!

Things That Have Been On My Mind Lately

1. My fabulous new dishwasher! (We think the old one, which wasn't really that old, drowned itself when it discovered it couldn't drain into the new - but still capped - garbage disposal.) But my new dishwasher? I'm ripping it out of the cabinetry and taking it with me if we ever move. I love it that much.

2. Las Vegas. It was my first time last week. And what did I think? Um, it felt like Disneyland for adults...very contrived...enticing the masses to squander their money in shallow and frivolous entertainment. And yet I enjoyed the spectacle very much (and especially the Cirque du Soleil show). I guess I must be one of the masses.

3. A Conspiracy of Kings by Megan Whalen Turner. A decent book in itself but most endearing for its glimpses at one of the best fictional characters ever created: Eugenides. If you've never read The Thief or The Queen of Attolia, read them. Now.

4. Charlie Bone and the Shadow and Charlie Bone and the Red Knight by Jenny Nimmo. Matthew and I are finishing up these last books in the Charlie Bone series. Not as thorough as Harry Potter, but great fun all the same.

5. How can I get free books on my Kindle? Anyone? I tried to warn Brian that giving me a Kindle is like giving an alcoholic a liquor cabinet. I just want to fill it up with books. And read. And read... But they cost money, so I need free ones and then I can really binge.

6. New light fixtures finally being installed. Hooray! Now maybe I can get rid of all the boxes that have been sitting around my house for months. I said maybe.

7. Off-track children. It's only Day 2 and all I want to do is hide myself away with a book in a comfy chair and ignore all the chore-evasion (from the boys) and whiny demands (from the girls) and fights and messes (from all of them). In fact, I may have spent most of the day doing just that...

What's been on your mind lately?

Ferocious Food Shapes

"Becca, finish your chicken nuggets."

"No, I'm too afraid of dinosaurs."

Brian suggested I tell her they're shaped like elephants.

So Darling

At the library...

Becca: "Mama, I'm going to go read my wonderful bookses."

Lady passing by: "Did she just say 'wonderful'?"

Me: "Yes, yes she did."

Becca was already prancing off in her fluffy pink tutu and twinkly-toe boots to read her wonderful Little-Einstein bookses.

The passer-by lady said, "That is so darling!"

And I thought, "Yes, yes she is...!"

The Potato Chip Story

If you ask Brian, he'll tell you he's learned not to argue with me because I generally end up being right.

But, the truth is, I'm not always right and will occassionally make a statement that is not quite accurate.

This was one of those times.

A few weeks ago, while Brian was out grocery shopping and chatting with me on his bluetooth, I mentioned that Nathan had been begging for potato chips for weeks. And I said that I wasn't going to buy potato chips because they have no nutritional value whatsoever.

When Brian said that there was no nutritional value in ice cream (which I tend to make for every special occasion these days), I pointed out that there's plenty of dairy protein.

So Brian went and checked the nutritional value of potato chips. In one serving of Classic Lay's Potato Chips there are 2 grams of protein, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 10% of your daily Vitamin C, and some other vitamins and minerals.

When I tried to say that the fat grams outweigh the nutritional value, he was quick to point out the fat in ice cream (which, in all honesty, is twice as much as in potato chips).

So, if we can have ice cream, then we can have potato chips.

He brought home two bags and they were gone within 48 hours.

Dad was definitely the hero of the hour in the children's eyes.

How Projects Go At Our House - Chapter 3

This weekend, I finally hung up the pictures I gave Brian for Christmas. There were no further hitches to the project, although I may have driven Brian crazy with my indecisiveness.

Cream or white mat board?

Buy another mat or just use the back?

Hang the darn things or succumb to the powerful call of those ancient gods, I-Don't-Know and I'll-Finish-It-Later?

But, in the end, my strong desire to complete SOMETHING prevailed:

Brian took these pictures at Carlsbad Beach in November. The frames hail from IKEA, of course.

The art completes the joint office Brian and I created in the boys' old bedroom. The whole room comes from IKEA, even the maple laminate flooring. The wall colors are Plaza (light) and Lozano (darker shade) from Kwal. It's been lovely, for both of us, to have a real office to work in.

It looks a little bit like an office out of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" with a big desk for Papa Bear and a medium-size desk for Mama bear. All that's missing is a wee little desk for baby bear! But, since this is an adult space, there will be no wee little bears.

Brian's desk - he picked it out himself and was what inspired the room.

Bookshelves and cabinet space that we still need to fill up!

I don't think our HOA allows large animals anyway.

Becca announced at the pet store today: "I don't like hamsters. I like elephants."

When I texted Brian, he said: "Let's not get her an elephant."

I agreed.

You Know Those Days...

You know those days, those perfect days, that you carefully plan down to the last detail? When the kids are going to play with Grandma and you're going to catch up on lots of things that you've been putting off for days, weeks...months?

And then, from the minute you step out of bed, your day starts deteriorating?

Until it finally culminates in the moment you rush into a vet appointment, ten minutes late, with a limp, sleeping two-year-old draped over one arm and a dog pulling at the leash clutched in the other and the unmistakable odor of dirty diaper billowing around you like a bad-day cloud?

That was my day.

Becca's New Thing

She calls it "Legoland".

And begs and pleads and yelps until I turn on You Tube to this exact video.

Next time, Nathan and Matthew, please refrain from sharing your boyhood with your little sister...

Your Kids Will Be Jealous, Your Broom Will Not

You know what kids like to play with more than cardboard boxes?

Cardboard boxes full of packing peanuts, of course!

I got a box of packing peanuts last week with the light fixture I ordered (which, of course, I can't install because they sent the wrong finish - you know how projects go at my house...) So, while I was cussing and pulling out my hair and writing nasty emails to the lighting company, the kids discovered that timeless combination: Styrofoam and cardboard.

They played for HOURS with the stuff. They buried themselves in it. Threw it around. Hid in the box. You know, sheer-joy-of-living kid stuff.

They were COVERED in Styrofoam. (As you can see in the picture above.)

And so was my house.

(Luckily, I had received news that the company would be sending me the right light fixture, so I was a calmer mama.)

It took us at least two hours to clean up the mess. Thanks to the static cling effect, it stuck to the walls, crept into closed closets, and jumped off the dustpan before you could get it anywhere. The girls had to take baths to get it out of their hair.

A week later, I'm still finding packing peanuts in random places around the house...

How Projects Go At Our House - Chapter 2

Brian and I spent the weekend catching up on some small projects around the house. We were vividly reminded why we put off projects as long as possible...

As I was hanging curtain panels in the living room, I realized that I had had Brian install the curtain rod supports upside down. They were attached to the wall studs, which is great for strength and sturdiness but not so great for me if I'm trying to unscrew the hardware - I don't have the upper body strength (or body weight, even) to so much as budge those screws. So I had to undo all the work I had already done assembling the curtain rods and rings, take down the curtains I had just hung, and let it all sit until Brian came home from watching football.

While I was waiting, I decided to hang up the pictures that I had given Brian for Christmas. Soon after starting the project, I discovered that IKEA frames are just like everything else from that store - if you want to hang them up, you have to assemble them and it becomes a very complicated process involving power tools and much cursing. And then I realized that the hardware was missing for one of the frames anyway. So, I gave up on that project in frustration, too.

And I went to the opera (which was marvelous, by the way).

When Brian came home, he fixed the curtain rod supports, installed lights over the living room bookcases, and built a window seat from IKEA - all of those projects went off without a hitch (and look fabulous - thank you, honey!) But after installing three bookcase doors (also from IKEA, we keep them in business), come to find out the fourth door had been packaged in the wrong box and didn't match the others. Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! So, he had to put that project on hold, too, until we could get back to IKEA and get the right door.

Eventually, we got the curtains hung up.

And the doors on the bookcases.

But those picture frames may sit around for another month before I feel like dealing with another project again!

How Projects Go At Our House - Chapter 1

A few weeks ago, Brian and I attempted to hang a small coat rack in our entry way. I carefully measured and marked the perfect spot for it right below the new mirror we had just hung - not too low, not too high...just right.

We have those fasteners that you hammer into the wall and then tighten the screw in order to pull the back support up against the wall from the inside, and, supposedly, it makes a nice sturdy place to hang your stuff.

So, Brian hammered the fasteners into the wall but one of them malfunctioned and instead of tightening up against the wall, just spun around and around and around. We finally had to punch both fasteners into the wall, fill the gaping half-inch holes with putty, and I had to figure out how to measure and mark a new place to hang the coat rack that would still look decent with the mirror but wouldn't fall off the wall as soon as you hung up your coat (thanks to a now holey wall.)

I was not a happy measurer.

You would think we would've learned our lesson...

This weekend, we tried to hang a gorgeous starburst mirror we received as a Christmas gift. I carefully measured the perfect spots for the fasteners. Then I watched as Brian hammered in the fasteners and tightened the first screw without incident. But as he was unscrewing the screw from the second fastener - so it would poke out from the wall to hold the mirror - all of the sudden the fastener sunk into the wall. And there was a big half-inch gaping hole in the wall at the end of the power drill.

Brian got this funny look on his face, very slowly put down the power drill, and turned and ran away!

Oh, I laughed so hard.

He ended up rigging some sort of hanging device in the gaping hole with various pieces of random hardware and the mirror finally went up on the wall. It looks great, but if you come over to our house, please don't slam any doors...

You know it's time to potty-train her when your two-year-old understands ordinal numbers...

I was changing Becca's poopy diaper and she goes, "This is my third!"

And it was.

Her third poopy diaper of the day.

Time to break out the panties for little Miss Smarty Pants!

Adventures in College Math

Since I didn't submit my previous school transcripts on time, I had to take a college placement test in order to register for a writing course at the local community college. The English sections were a peace of cake, but the math...hahahahahahaha!

The elementary level algebra slowly came back to me as I went through the questions and I made it through fairly well. But by the time I finally reached the college level math questions, I had already been in that testing center for far too long and my brain was starting to fry. I think I got one answer right:

Solve 8 to the 2/3 power. Anyone? Anyone?

But the rest of the questions were like this:

If f(x)=x^2 - 4 and f(3)=g(1), then what is g(x)?

And then this beast finally sent me over the edge:

At the movie theater, adult tickets cost twice as much as children's tickets. Each movie costs $300 in expenses. If the theater sells all of its 300 seats to adults, the net profit (revenue minus expenditures) is 5/2 of what it would be if all seats had been sold to children. How much is a child's ticket?

At this point, I began choosing random answers because I wanted to go home.

It's a good thing I'm just trying to take a writing class, not run a movie theater (or build rocketships).

My brain still hurts.

The Infamous Matthew Logic

Matthew: "Mom, did you hear about the lady who wanted to become a real Barbie? She had plastic surgery and now she's a real live Barbie!"


Me: "Um...what is plastic surgery, Matt?"


Matthew: "It's when you get your body parts, like your arms and legs (but not your heart and stuff like that), replaced with plastic ones."